Standards: Finding a Keeper
Posted on 06. Nov, 2009 by Anthony 'Dream' Johnson in Articles
Here is a question I would like to pose to you. What is the purpose of qualification?
When asked this most people get it wrong. They may say it convinces the girl you have standards, so she will like you more. Sure it does that, but that isn’t what it is for. Some might say, it allows you to test to see if she is already into you. It can be used for that, but still not the real purpose. Some guys use it to elicit values from a girl so they can mirror her better. It can do that, but its still not what I am looking for. Some people say that it gives you a list of reasons to tell a girl you like her. That way she won’t think you only enjoy her looks. Yet, this is also not the right answer.
These are all uses of qualification. These are things it creates, and they can be extremely helpful. Still, this is not the true purpose. The purpose of qualification is to screen for the traits you want in a woman. These traits vary depending on what you want her for.
Here is a list of things I was looking for when trying to find a girlfriend. You could want completely different attributes in a woman. In no particular order.
1.Bisexual
I want a girl that likes women as much as me. I also want to have threesomes, so this is really basic. However most people make the mistake of not even asking.
2.She’s intelligent.
I have trouble dealing with unintelligent women. I’m a bit of an intellectual snob at times. I need a girl that can relate to my thoughts. There is no bigger turn off than explaining something twice.
3.She can cook.
I can’t cook well. Because I eat a strict diet, I cook a lot. So I want a girl that cooks better than me to share the load. Also, deep down, every man wants Mrs. Cleaver.
4.No Jealousy Issues
I am a massive flirt. At this point, every time I talk to women I flirt. Its just a bloody habit. It’s how I talk. So my girl cannot be easily upset by this sort of thing. Also, jealousy issues don’t mix with threesomes very well.
These are just a few, but they illustrate my point. During the last year, anytime a girl failed on a quality, I knew she wasn’t truly relationship material. This meant she could either be a fuck buddy, or a one night stand. This is how you find a good woman. You actually have to look for one. I am simply not compatible with certain women. Religious women tend to hate me, so I don’t date them.
This is the point of qualification. You shouldn’t use it because you want to trick her. You use it, because you legitimately care what kind of person she is. If you have these standards in the back of your mind, then you will be better off. When you know what you want, women find you more attractive. That’s great, but the reason is never attraction. The reason you use these is to judge whether or not you want her.
Most guys simply don’t have standards. They seem to just jump into a relationship with the first girl that will have them. A person of quality wouldn’t do that. You should be a person of quality. Before you let some girl into your life, make sure that she deserves it.
Some guys have trouble transitioning into these qualification questions. The questions are fairly simple. You just ask. Somethings need to be phrased a little gingery, and some can’t be asked. However, a lot simply can. Asking is the only way I can tell if a girl is bisexual. Usually it goes something like this.
There is a bit of a dip in the conversation, so I decide to bring up the topic. I have about a dozen ways to do so. Here are examples.
“Why do all women want to fuck Angelina Jolie?”
“Where’s your girlfriend? What you aren’t into girls? Why not?”
“Do you find other women attractive.” This usually transitions into me talking about the incredible beauty of the female form.
In order to transition in, simply add this to the beginning.
“That reminds me of something,”
“My friends and I were talking about,”
“Hmm, odd thought…”
“Hmmm, I want to ask you a question, but I’m not sure you can handle it.” (Credit, Nick Sparks) This one is best of used before a sexual question. Such as one about threesomes.
So now I know that answer. Others can be a bit more difficult. If I want to see if she is intelligent, then I pay attention to what she says more, and notice things. I don’t just let her coast. I actually press her for opinions and thoughts. Which is starkly different than the “waiting to talk” attitude of most guys in the community. I ask girls if they can cook. Then I let them use my kitchen to prove it. Cooking dinner is my favorite date activity.
Simply figure out how to test for the things on your list. This will manufacture opportunities for the girl to impress you. It will also give you more reasons to like her. If you have these standards then girls will live up to them. If you have no standards, then women will disappoint you. It does take time to find a girl that can live up to the expectations you have. However, the search is worth the payout.
-Dodger/Hshudo


I definitely see your point, but what do you do when you find she does not meet your standards. Do you ever compromise ( other than just meeting someone as a one night stand ) ?
I don’t understand how exactly one makes sure to be respectful and non-deceitful properly. That’s because it often may take some for you to know whether a woman is your type ( fits your standards) . And in the mean time you are making a decision in your mind:
1) understanding that the perfect match is not out there, but that you can get really close if you try
2) and understanding that research shows people are psychologically wired to ‘get used to’ what they have and not ‘feel bad’ with their choices
3) without treating people like crap.
That last part is tough. Maybe it has just been who I have been attracted to, but most women I meet want to be in it for the long haul ( LTR ) . This is making it hard to convince myself that the MLTR is possible without being a real dick to women.
If she doesn’t meet my standards then I don’t date her. Plain and simple.
I might fuck her, but no relationship. Also, I am very honest with women. After sex, when we are in bed, I tell her exactly what I want. Whether thats a fuck buddy or whatever.
I don’t buy into the fact that there is no perfect girl. If there is, then I will find her. If there is not, then I am perfectly happy to be single.
Currently I have a girlfriend that meets all of my requirements.
I don’t ditch a girl for simple mistakes though. Some minor character flaws are easily correctable.
The way i avoid any sort of messy anger on her part is simple. I never ever lead her to expect anything more than a single one night stand from me. Once I realize she might be worth more than that, then I let her think I may last longer.
‘I never ever lead her to expect anything more than a single one night stand from me.’
Can you elaborate on this?
Besides telling her directly after sex, what do you do before hand to hint that you only want a one night stand?
Thanks!
typing with my thumbs. Before hand, I present myslef as a player. I might mention another date I was on. Tell her I don_t like exclusive relationships. Find Libido’s 2007 speech on the site. He goes into the topic.
Thanks man